Mysterious Barricades

Never the one to be self-less, I have decided to present my dear readers and critics (I can read your thoughts.) with a list of items that I would like for Christmas. I noticed that no one got me anything for my birthday, so consider this a chance to redeem yourselves and make it back into my good graces and possibly my will. If you really put your mind to it, you can make it happen.

• A delicious cuban sandwich. 
• The facial hair of a hero from Greek mythology.
•  A hippopotamus like the one from Beast Wars. You know, with the machine gun arms. 
• A DVD copy of Amahl and the Night Visitors. You would think Netflix would have a copy of this Christmas opera, also the first opera to premier on television, but that is not the case. 
• Better analytic skills. I’m trying to analyze some Britten, and I’m getting murdered by it. 
• A response from SiriusXM that doesn’t come in as a form letter. Yes, I did actually email that complaint. Yes, they did send me a form letter. 
• A sword. A magic sword. A magic sword with a magic shield and magic armor for vanquishing mine enemies. And then all the girls can say, “Oh he’s my knight in shining armor.” And I’ll be all like, “Rogue knight in shining armor. I’m a rebel.” And all mine enemies won’t say anything because they’ll all be vanquished.
• The power…to move you. 
• A private concert from Haley Westerna over dinner and drinks. 
• The sheet music for Mompou’s Suite Compastelana. 
• The secret chord that David played.
• You could pay my taxes.
• Liquor and ibuprofen.

I have a list with all of your names. If I don’t receive an approved gift from you I will mark an X beside your name and send the list to Santa Claus. He will then mark you down as “Naughty” for the upcoming year, and you will receive nothing for next Christmas except coal and dirty looks. You’re welcome.