Mysterious Barricades

So lemme tell you what I learned yesterday. Hunker down.

I learned that I might have the world’s weakest shoulders and that an arcade boxing game can accurately diagnose the strengths and weaknesses of one’s personality. You see, there’s this game at the arcade where the player, that’s me, picks up two boxing gloves, each weighing about the same as a medium sized dog, and proceeds to try and beat the living crap out of some pixels on a screen. There are some problems with this system besides the aforementioned puppy weighted gloves. For one thing, one cannot simply throw punches and land a successful hit. Instead, the player must waited for prompts from the game. Here’s my problem with that: Isn’t the game your enemy? Why in the world would the game want me to land a good punch? What’s worse is that there is no tangible reaction to let the player know that one has come in contact with the enemy pixels. So in my case, it meant swinging those bags of cement on my hands like an idiot in front of people I’m trying not to look like an idiot in front of. Oh yeah, the pixels swing back, and apparently one is supposed to dodge. I contend that I would not have to dodge if I didn’t have to wait for the prompts to throw my super powered punches. 

And it’s not over. Once you’ve been defeated in the second round, the computer that engineers this fight and gives you your prompts then breaks down your personality into a tasty little recipe. It must be pretty accurate because I was told that I am the most clever person on planet Earth. Yep, that’s what it said. I was there. Saw the whole thing. My buddy in the boxing stall next to me (couldn’t make it past the first round, poor guy) was very charismatic. That means that he lulls the opposing boxer into a false sense of romance and then clocks him good in the gut. 

Long story short: My back and shoulder are on fire. Best part of yesterday. Until around 7:30.

None of your business, that’s what.