Mysterious Barricades

While I consider myself to be a generally wise young gentleman oozing with great advice, which I have no problem distributing unsolicited on the internet, some people may disagree. To those people, I urge you to find truth in this post. I believe that you will if you try really hard. It’s a bit like finding Waldo. However, note that the vast majority of what I want to tell you reflects back on me. This carries its own problems. While my intention are good, I may end up in trouble. Yes, this will be cheesy. Yes, this will be romantic. Hunker down.

Believe it or not, there’s a certain fear associated with finding someone that you are compatible with, or rather finding the “right” girl. It’s scary. It really is. It doesn’t sound like it should be a frightening experience, but we tend to make it so. We’re a skittish species.

Of course, you first have to find the girl. That has its own issues. Rest assured, you will find her. Most of the time we’re not looking for the right girl. We look for the fatal flaw. We find a girl and say, “Oh man. She’s cool! She’s cute! She likes race cars! But, darn it, she smokes. I can’t date a smoker. That’s a deal breaker.” We love that fatal flaw. We look for that fatal flaw because we can look at her and say, “I have a standard that she can’t live up to, and that means that I am too good for her.” Sick and twisted is what that is. (By the way, I don’t condone smoking. It’ll mess you up.) 

I had a small, quiet crisis when I met Ashley. (Yes, it’s that kind of post.) I said to myself, “She’s cute! She’s smart! She goes to church three times a week! Her parents are cool! I just can’t win!” I freaked a little bit. If you ask her, she would say that she wasn’t sure I liked her all that much. Truth is that I was a little skittish. I had just had my heart pretty well crushed by a couple of girls and was doing my best to guard myself. However, opportunity knocks but once. I had to confront myself with some troubling aspects of myself and romance that I am now comfortable enough to discuss without the influence of liquor. 

Let me explain. 

When you meet that right girl, you have to realize that it is you, not her, that will probably determine your success in that relationship. You will probably have to improve yourself. Most people, I imagine, can’t get past that. I believe it’s pretty simple. “Do I like this girl?” Check box YES and move on. Of course, you’re going to have to do some work. Welcome to the real world they don’t tell you about in grad school. Console yourself knowing that this is similar to what Medieval knights called “chivalry,” at least in the sense that you are doing a good deed in the name of a good woman. What’s even better is that you are improving yourself, something you should be doing anyway. No, you are not changing, but becoming more of yourself than you were before. That what she wants anyway. Be glad you found someone that demands that you be you. You really are her knight in shining armor. 

Even more frightening.

It’s nothing like in the movies or on television or in any comic book. Believe it or not, it’s so much simpler. Mind that I am not saying it is without hard work, but quite the opposite. The work will be ever present, however the motivation will be so much clearer. Like I said before, I believe that it is simple. “Do I love this girl?” Check box YES and move on. Do the work and know why. Most of those who get past the first problem will probably get caught by this dilemma. In the absence of that fatal flaw, we look for a reason to give up and avoid the work. Stop looking for the confusion. 

I love my girl. I love our relationship. It is self-fulfilling. I do not look to her for my happiness, but I find it by doing right by her, I hope. The reality is that the odds are against us, and we may not last forever. I don’t really much care right now. I’m busy enough just dealing with today and too busy to think about tomorrow. It’s been a learning experience and a chance to put into practice everything I’ve learned from the songs in Sondheim musicals. Maybe what I love most is that I’ve been given the opportunity to break down my own barriers. I’ve been given a mirror into myself by which I can see without my own ego getting in the way. Why would I ever avoid this? 

I implore the rest of you, even though I recognize that you probably think I’m an idiot, to find someone that demands you be yourself. Furthermore, find someone that demands, be being themselves, that you be the best of yourself.